Rent-A-Minority is a revolutionary new service designed for those oh-shit moments where you've realized your award show, corporate brochure, conference panel is entirely composed of white men. For, like, the fifth year in a row. Suddenly you're being called out on Twitter and you need to look not-racist and not-misogynist fast. Actually doing something meaningful to disrupt institutional inequality would be way too much work; so why not just Rent-A-Minority instead?
Hire a Minority
We have a minority for every occasion. Whether it’s a tech conference panel, an awards show, an advert, or a business meeting, we will collaborate to find the right minority for you. All of our minorities have been vetted to ensure they are not “too black” or “too Muslim” or “too much of a Feminist.” We know how awkward that can be. Each minority comes with bespoke pricing based on a proprietary algorithm that analyzes current states of supply/demand and the Degree of Diversity (TM) intrinsic to the potential hire.
Ethnically Ambiguous
Mexican? Arab? Asian? Mixed? What even are they?! It doesn't matter...the exotic Ethnically Ambiguous minority can be whoever or whatever you want her/him to be.
Cheerful Woman of Color
Won't embarrass you by being "an angry black woman."
Smiling Muslim Woman
Certified not to support ISIS (or your money back).
Intellectual Black Guy
Good for tech conferences. Also available to stand next to you while you say racist things at parties. Because you can't be racist if one of your best friends is black, obvs.
Testimonials
Chief Operating Officer, Fox News
"Rather good. Is there a Rent-a-Minority for statues yet?"
SVP, Human Resources, Empire LLC
"Trying to find a minority for corporate events is the white man's burden. This revolutionary service has relieved my burden quite considerably."
"The best thing to happen to Indians since British colonialism."
Venture Capital God
"When I'm President, I'll shut this site down."
CEO, Trump LLC
"Seeing as we are all Africans really, can I join?"
Actress
